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VALENTINES SCORING - HERE'S HOW THE SCORING WORKS

 1) SIMPLE DUTIES-
 You go out to buy her flowers: +5
 But return with beer: -5
 You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0
 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5
 You pummel it with a six iron: +10
 It's her cat: -10

 2) SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
 You stay by her side the entire party: 0
 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy: -2
 Named Tiffany: -4
 Tiffany is a dancer: -6
 Tiffany has implants: -8

 3) SATURDAY AFTERNOONS-
 You visit her parents: +1
 You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
 You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3
 And the television is off: -6
 You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear: -6
 And you didn't even go to college: -10
 And it's not really your underwear: -15

 4) HER BIRTHDAY-
 You take her out to dinner: 0
 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +1
 Okay, it is a sports bar: -2
 And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3
 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10
 You give her a gift: 0
 You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance: -10
 You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance: +1
 You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate: +2
 You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months: +30
 You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10
 With her credit card: -30
 And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -40

 5) THOUGHTFULNESS
 You forget to pick her up at the bus station: -25
 Which is in Detroit: -35
 And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50

 6) A NIGHT OUT WITH YOUR PALS
 You have a few beers: -9
 For every beer after three, -2 again
 And miss curfew by an hour: -12
 You get home at 3 a.m.: -20
 You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30
 And not wearing any pants: -40
 Is that a tattoo? -200

 7) A NIGHT OUT, JUST THE TWO OF YOU
 You go see a comic: +2
 He's crude and sexist: -2
 You laugh: -5
 You laugh too much: -10
 She's not laughing: -15
 You laugh harder: -25

 8) DRIVING
 You lose the directions on a trip: -4
 You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10
 You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15
 You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals: -25
 She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60

 9) COMMUNICATION
 When she wants to talk, you listen, displaying a concerned expression:+20
 When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5
 You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television:+10
 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -10

 BONUS:  You forward her funny e-mails with love notes attached: + 100
 

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