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HOW TO BE ANNOYING

 ~ tYPE wITH tHE cAPS lOCK bUTTON tURNED oN. aND sHIFT FOR cAPS
 ~ Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and  insist to others that you "like it that way"
 ~ Drum on every available surface
 ~ Sing the Batman theme incessantly
 ~ Staple papers in the middle of the page
 ~ Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings
 ~ Sew anti-theft detector strips into peopleís backpacks
 ~ Write the surprise ending of a novel on its first page before you lend it out
 ~ Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go"
 ~ Set alarms for random times
 ~ Learn the Morse Code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip"Ö
 ~ Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon
 ~ Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Edís stereo with the volume properly adjusted
 ~ Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise
 ~ Honk and wave to strangers
 ~ Dress only in clothes colored Hunterís Orange
 ~ Change channels five minutes before the end of every show
 ~ Wear your pants backwards
 ~ Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register
 ~ Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets
 ~ Pay for your dinner with pennies
 ~ Tie jingle bells to your clothes
 ~ Repeat everything someone says, as a question
 ~ Write "X-BURIED TREASURE" on random spots on other peopleís road maps
 ~ Wear a LOT of cologne
 ~ Ask to "interface" with someone
 ~ Listen to tapes on high speed dubbing and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing"
 ~ Sing along at the opera
 ~ Mow your lawn with scissors
 ~ At a golf tournament, chant "Swing-batatatata-suhWING-batter!
 ~ Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy"
 ~ Ask the waitress for a seat for your "imaginary friend"
 ~ Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesnít rhyme
 ~ Ask your classmates mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles"
 ~ Stare at static on the TV and claim you see a "magic picture"
 ~ Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times
 ~ Scuff your feet on dry, shaggy carpet and search for shock victims
 ~ Never totally finish speaking, making it seem like youíll be saying more at any moment
 ~ Never make eye contact
 ~ Never break eye contact
 ~ Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears
 ~ Light road flares on a birthday cake
 ~ Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley
 ~ Demand that everyone call you "Conquistador"
 ~ Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly
 ~ At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks
 ~ When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells" until physically restrained
 ~ Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One"
 ~ As much as possible skip rather than walk
 ~ Stand over someoneís shoulder, mumbling as they read
 ~ Finish the 99 bottles of beer song
 ~ Sing the "Song That Never Ends" (from Lambchop)
 ~ Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles
 ~ Pretend your mouse is a CB radio and talk into it
 ~ Play the National anthem by tapping your cheek. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up"
 ~ Name your dog "Dog"
 ~ Inform others that they exist only in your imagination
 ~ Ask people what gender they are
 ~ Reply to everything someone says with "Thatís what YOU think"
 ~ Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray
 ~ Forget the punch line to a really long joke, but assure the listener that it was a "real hoot"
 ~ Follow a few paces behind someone and spray everything they touch with Lysol
 ~ Intentionally hum songs that get stuck in othersí heads ("Itís a Small World" is a good one)
 ~ While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet
 ~ Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September
 ~ Change your name to Aaaaaaba for the great glory of being the first in the phone book. Claim itís a Hawaiian name and demand that people pronounce every A
 ~ Sit on your front lawn and aim a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down
 ~ Chew on pens youíve borrowed
 ~ Holler random numbers when a person is counting
 ~ Make dates for the 31st of September
 

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